Tech-dependence

Originally published July 2009 in the Dickinson County News

I was completely an utterly lost and unfocused last Wednesday as I mourned the loss of my most faithful and handy companion – my cell phone.

One day later, thanks to the miracles of the internet and Fed-Ex, I celebrated the arrival of my new phone and was reminded of how entirely dependent I’ve become on the technological advances of our time.

From time to time, I run across something that’s so true it makes me want to both laugh and cry at the same time. The following list is one of those things that reminds just how tech-dependent we really are.

I can’t take any credit for the laughs – they come courtesy of my favorite late night radioman and his access to funnybunch.com.

I dare you to put check marks next to all the techie traits that fit you. When you’re done, if you’re like me, it’ll make you want to pack up and take a vacation from the technology of today.

But instead – you’ll settle for sending a hoops and yoyo e-card to a friend and making a cell call to arrange for a lunch companion.

20 ways to know you’re living in tech-dependence:
1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You e-mail your son to let him know it’s time to eat. He texts you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her website.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor this year.
6. Your “phone” has replaced your calendar, photo album, cd player and address book.
7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
9. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.
12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and takes planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
17. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
18. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
19. You wake up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
20. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 🙂