Project Microchip

Originally published in the Dickinson County News

They’ve finally done it. There is now a microchip that can be imbedded in people, pets and other misplacables.

My best friend in Omaha has already “chipped” her favorite misplacable – her pet dog.

Last week, Sioux Falls television stations were praising a new alzheimer’s gadget that helps track “people prone to wandering off.” A satellite system keeps track of both the dog and the alzheimer’s patient in case they wander out of their caretaker’s watch.

I have to admit, these are a couple uses for such technology that would stand to benefit society.

As one of those self-proclaimed “people prone to wandering off,” I’m not really sure I like this overall idea, but as I reflect a little more, I begin to see its advantages.

Just think of all the people and things we could keep track of if we could just “microchip” them.

Husband and wives’ locations would no longer be a mystery. We could find our spouses at their favorite hide-outs: bars, bowling alleys, beaches. Who says there’s such a thing as a need for privacy?

Employers could learn where their workers spend their lunch breaks, weekends and time off. It’s never been easier to check up on those “lunch meetings” and keep tabs on sales calls.

Are you hoping to refind your long lost love in a few years? Just catch him in his sleep, imbed the chip and give it some time. Just when he thinks he’s safe and alone on that secluded beach of his dreams. Surprise – technology… er, I mean, fate… has brought you back together.

You can microchip anyone: your spouse, your kids, your in-laws, your doctor.

How much simpler would a trip to Disney be if there were no worries of misplacing the young ones?

Special alarms could be rigged to sound whenever those fun in-laws are approaching your front door.

If you need medical advice now, who says you can’t microchip your doctor to find out what it means when your shoulder hurts or your ears are ringing?

If you thought cell phones were intrusive, just wait…

Who knows, in a few more years, maybe we can even microchip our favorite possessions. Never again will we misplace our remote controls, scissors, finger nail clippers, or car keys.

Thankfully, the new line of microchips seem to be in limited use for good causes – for now.

Just be careful next time you go to the dentist and he says to you, “your wife said you wanted a gold-plated filling in that back tooth. I know there’s no cavity, but this will just take a second…”